lately.

sunshine.

What I'm listening to right now:













So life has been crazy these past two weeks. My Uncle (who was like a brother to me) unexpectedly died. I flew home the next flight out. The time was wonderful spent with family but it was so busy. Every day was filled with running a million errands and every evening was spent with the whole extended family. I had to make a collage for the services and prepare and practice the eulogy. There wasn't enough time in the day - pair that with jet-lag and just being sad about the circumstances, it was a hard time. I was so happy to be with my family through this time and really would have regretted it if I didn't fly home. As upset as we all were, it was amazing to ring in 2012 with my whole family together. We aren't often all together in the same country let alone the same state. The circumstances that brought us together were and still are heartbreaking, but it was a wonderful time with family, regardless.

My Mom, "a snowbird", now spends her winters in my parent's condo in Florida. She had already planned to leave the day after the services. She was going to cancel but my Dad convinced her that she should still go. She didn't feel right about the whole thing since I would be home and there were still a lot of loose ends with dealing with death stuff - so my Dad said, "What if Kaylan flies down with you? Would you do that, Kay?" Well, I don't know anyone that would turn down a trip to Florida.

After the services and the gathering after, my Mom and I headed home and packed our bags for Florida. We left early the next morning. I spent Tuesday afternoon through Saturday morning with her there. We had such a great time. I ate a lot of yummy fish sandwiches and coconut shrimp and cajun fries. We made homemade guacamole with freshly picked (huge) Florida avocados. We had a lot of time to talk and read and shop and to relax!! It went by too fast.

Saturday morning I was flying home after one last apple strudel sitting by the water. I flew directly to the airport in Atlantic City where my Dad picked me up. We stopped for a late lunch, and then we drove to the airport in Newark where he unloaded me and I was off to Europe.

I had one of those crazy, exhausting trips. I just about missed my flight as I went to the wrong terminal. I was bringing my skis with me and a huge suitcase and a rolly carry-on as well as a big overnight bag. After discovering I was in the wrong terminal, I had to lug all 4 of those bags to an elevator then to an air tram then to another elevator and then to the Continental check-in desk. I, of course, at to redistribute the weight in my overweight bag which really made me angry. The bag is allowed to be 50 lbs. I had to pay $70 for an extra bag (the skis) that weighed like 20 lbs. Doesn't it seem like my bag weighing 60 lbs should be OK then considering I actually paid for more weight? No, so there I was unloading everything while sweating and freaking out because it was now 35 minutes before my flight was leaving and I hadn't gone through security yet.

I arrived at the gate just as the last few stragglers were piling on the plane. I had a layover in Paris and then for some odd reason (booking a last minute flight) I had to go to Frankfurt and then back to Switzerland/France. By the time I got home last night, I had been traveling for more than a day.

Am I exhausted today? Yes. Was it all worth it? Yes. I'll share some pics tomorrow.

we have been numb here from the loss of my uncle. he was only 47. today we had the services for him and were overwhelmed by the more than 300 people sitting in the pews of the church. my aunt and i each wrote and read a piece of the eulogy. people laughed and people cried. i laughed and i cried. it is never easy to lose someone, but there is something about sadness bringing people together that always warms my heart. i hope that wherever my uncle is, he was able to see how loved he was and how missed he is.

what i'm listening to right now: (my dad and i are sitting silently - he's grading papers, i'm packing my bags - and we're listening to a wonderful mix of the beatles, johnny cash, bob dylan, van morrison, and other talents)

good night, friends.

proof.

You see that picture. That is proof that I am home, in the United States, in New Jersey, with my family. I'm drinking some American coffee and have already polished off two whole wheat everything bagels (I'm not proud of that!).

Of course, I am here for circumstances that are making my heart very heavy. Our hearts are aching but I am comforted by being with my family.

There's no place like home.

What I'm listening to right now:

hugs.

all I really want to say today is this...

when you hug someone, always let them be the first to let go.

what I'm listening to right now:

YAY!

I thought this week would creep its way on by as I am very anxious for tomorrow, but it surprisingly flew by (like each week before it!). I had many classes, a lot of preparing, and a lot of drama with our car (thanks to the mechanics doing something terribly wrong to it and then not being able to figure out what they did wrong)!!!!  However, all in all, the week was a positive one, partially because I have been so excited for what tomorrow will bring..... MY MOM!

My Mom has had quite the travel bug lately. She spent last weekend at a very good friend's wedding (which I regretably could not attend) in Boston. She arrived back in NJ on Sunday evening. She flew out Tuesday morning to North Carolina for a little trip with her gal pals and arrived back in Jersey late last night. Tonight, she leaves for France! She'll be staying at the beautiful Best Western Hotel Belfort in the best room! Retired life is treating her well.

AND, not only will my Mom be coming, but today marks the last day (or at least this is what I have been promised) in the marathon work schedule my guy has had. Over 40 days (with the exception of the one amazing Sunday) he has worked non-stop - day and night - and usually until the wee hours of the morning. Let's put it this way - if I saw him before 10pm, it was a miracle! And, I don't really think I ever did. In fact, over the course of the last week, he was working until 2, 3, 4 and sometimes 5am!!! UGH! Glad that is over.

Not only will I be able to see my guy more, but I will have my Mom here, too... so it's perfect! I know my French man will be a perfect tour guide, and I am really looking forward to spending time with two people I really love.

I am looking forward to eating delicious food, seeing new sights, shopping, talking, and showing my Mom the town where I have lived for the past 7 months (with the exception of the one month vaca I took back home!).

I know the 10 days my Mom will spend in France will be marvelous. She will arrive tomorrow evening at Basel-Mulhouse Airport - on the border of Switzerland and France - just 45 minutes from my home!

So that's my big, exciting news! What are you all doing this weekend?

don't postpone joy.

Yesterday, as I was driving home from work, I started thinking about my life. I make it seem so horrible when I write on my blog, don't I? Don't get me wrong... some days stink. Isn't that normal though? Life is full of its ups and downs. Life is a rollercoaster, of course. The expression stands true. However, sometimes I think I have more to say when I'm upset/when I'm having a bad day. I have a bad temper and being upset fuels my creativity??? Maybe! I'm not sure about that, but I do know that I am the kind of person that deals with a problem by (excuse the language) talking the crap out of it.

There are some people that like to be alone when they are upset. They don't want to talk about it. They go into a room, close the door, put some headphones on and DO NOT (under any circumstances) want to be bothered. I can't relate to this at all. I'm the girl knocking on the door saying, "Let's talk about it. Are you okay?" For this type of personality, it is not only annoying but almost an invasion of privacy. I don't know what it is that they do - maybe write in a journal or just think or sleep it off... not sure, because as I said, I don't get it.

I want to understand the situation. I want to ask a million questions or analyze every angle. I want to pour my heart out, cry a river, do some research on the internet, ask more questions, call some people to talk some more and get outside opinions, call some more people, write on my blog, send some e-mails asking more opinions, drink some tea, eat some chocolate, and then take a shower. Once I'm in the shower, (sigh of relief) I have finally come to terms with the argument.

I am the kind of person that meets someone and immediately comes home to do a Google search. I don't take things lightly. I am super (can I stress the super here?) sensitive. I have a hard time forgetting but am always very forgiving. I am hard on myself and hard on other people, too. I have a very big heart and expect a lot of people, because I know what I would do for them. I am the annoying person when watching a movie or a TV show that has to try to predict what is going to happen. However, I am also the person that in that same movie theater is laughing the loudest.

I was raised by a woman that didn't do anything half-ass. She is someone that is so wonderful at celebrating the little joys in life. She would celebrate anything she could celebrate. "Congrats on your presentation!" "Your first goal!" "Your second goal!" "Your third goal!" ...and so on. Perhaps it is why I require so much recognition for a job well done now. When I make a good meal, I want to hear some praise. When I'm at work, I want to hear my boss saying I'm doing a good job. When I clean the apartment, I want my guy to come home and notice. Because with my Mom, nothing ever went unnoticed. Everything from a new haircut to a birthday was a big deal in our house. A day never passed by without kind words or a celebration from my Mom.

I think she has created such a high standard. When I had my first day of work here in France, honestly, I expected my guy to give me a little celebration. OK, I'm 25 and maybe I should grow out of this, but I love celebrating life's little moments. And, I am so thankful to have been raised by someone who made me think the sun was shining out my ass. Life is so precious, so why not celebrate it with the ones we love? My Mom could be a spokeswoman for unconditional love.

So in the end, what I am trying to say is... I am very lucky. Perhaps I write more about the bad days, but maybe it's because on the good days, I am far too busy relishing all the happiness to find time for words. I am loved. I am living in a wonderful city in FRANCE! I am an educated woman. I never postpone joy.

Stay American, Baby.

After my last depressing post, I am feeling a bit revived. We hosted our first American BBQ and to rave reviews! We had some of my guy's family over for an All-American cook-out last night. Sure, it would have been a bit more fun tailgating and cheering on the Big 10 and bouncing around to Zombie Nation, but I'll take what I can get... and the company was good!! It was a really nice night.

We were all set to have the BBQ on our outdoor terrace which was really the biggest selling point for us on this place, but just as we had the tables set and the candles lit and the BBQ fired up, it started to pour! Just our luck! We love entertaining outdoors, and we do it almost every night. We are getting good at working as a team (in tight quarters). Entertaining his family daily is also the perfect motivation to keep this place clean. There is always someone coming over here, and I never want to get caught with the place looking like too much of a hot mess. 

My guy really let me go all out yesterday (I had him feeling bad after my last post. However, it's not him - he just can't fill the void for EVERYONE else!). He patiently took me to FIVE stores to get all the ingredients I needed. He didn't complain while I spent two hours making an apple pie thus forcing him to clean the bathroom and sweep the floors. He didn't mind when I spent some of the precious time I could have used cutting the potatoes for our now "famous" french fries to decorate my mason jars as I had seen here. 

Sometimes I need to sit back and take a look at what I have. I need to be more accepting of this challenge. It is never going to be easy to be away from my loved ones, but I am fortunate to have shelter, a job, the chance to see the world, and people who love me right here. I have to remember that when I complain about being away from the people I love, there is someone right here who loves me that I am hurting. I can't always have everything I want right at my fingertips, and maybe the saying "it doesn't hurt to try" isn't always true. I am hurting myself and others by trying.

My last post saddened my family and friends that can't be here. And, it hurt my guy because it made him feel like he'll never be enough. Let me be clear when I say that I am happy, but sometimes life gets you down. Sometimes the only cure for me is a day playing dominoes, scrabble and yahtzee for hours on end with my Mom and Aunt or a day at the beach with my best friends. And vice versa, sometimes nothing comforts me more than a lazy day watching movies with my guy or watching him suck wind as I run circles around him (joking joking... maybe!!).

I will soon get used to all the changes and will adapt to life across two continents. As my friends work more and save more and when my father retires, there will be more visitors; and in time, I will make friends here, too. Maybe now I feel like my heart is being stretched in different directions, but I think I should consider myself lucky that my heart is so big and has the capacity to love so much.

Now that I got all the mushy stuff out of the way... here is a recipe for perhaps the most American thing you can think of... Apple Pie! I adapted this recipe from a whole bunch of recipes, and I promise, it was delicious! The hardest part of making this is sitting and peeling, slicing, and coring the apples as that was a bit tedious. I used apples that my guy picked himself when we were in Besancon.

Apple Pie

Ingredients:

• 2 - 9 inch pie crusts (store-bought or homemade)
• 1/2 cup unsalted butter (I, of course, used the vegan stuff)
• 5 tablespoons all-purpose flour
• 2 teaspoons maple syrup
• 1/2 cup white sugar
• 1/2 cup packed brown sugar
• 8 Granny Smith apples - peeled, cored and sliced

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Melt the butter in a saucepan. Stir in flour to form a paste. Add syrup, white sugar and brown sugar, and bring to a boil. Reduce temperature and let simmer. 
2. In a bowl, mix half of the sugary mixture with your apples.
3. Place the bottom crust in your pan. Fill with apples, mounded slightly. Cover with a lattice work crust (this is my favorite part!).
4. Gently pour the remainder of the sugar mixture over the crust. Pour slowly so that it does not run off.
5. Bake for 1 hour.
6. Let cool at least an hour before you eat. It allows the sugary mixture to form a gel rather than be too runny.

Follow the directions exactly and it's fool-proof!

Hope everyone is having a great weekend! I'm back to more cleaning and more entertaining!

the week is over.

(photos from the past two weeks)

it's been a long week, but it's finally over. i can't help but missing home and my family and my friends. when it comes to the weekend, and i have no one to go grab a coffee with or someone to see a movie with or some ladies to go dancing with, then, well, i can't help but to be a little somber.

there are so many ways an afternoon with my mom or a best girlfriend can cure me. i know these little rendezvous will be full of laughter and smiles, secrets and gossip, stories reminiscing about the past and others sharing hopes for the future. we will give each other advice. we will comfort each other. these are things that i just cannot do from afar.

i know i can't replace my friends or my family while i am here, but i just wish i could have someone here. it's so hard to do these things with a language barrier. i really need to concentrate on practicing my french, because the longer it takes, the lonelier it is.

so with that being said, it's friday night. i am laying in my bed writing on this blog. i'm not complaining. life isn't always supposed to be exciting, but i could use a little bit more laughter and a lot more hugs.

have a nice weekend everyone :) ...full of laughter and hugs (or whatever it is that makes you happy!)

checking in... again.

I know, I know... I have been a terrible blogger lately, but let me assure you that I have good reason. While I haven't been blogging, I have been living!

I started this blog as a way to keep in touch with my family and friends back in the states while I was abroad. Now that I have been back in the states, I have really been checking things off my to-do list! And, for once, besides a few mundane tasks like going to the DMV and getting my Visa taken care of, the things on my to-do list have been FUN! They range from shopping to seeing friends to spending a whole day on the beach. And, even the not so fun tasks like going to the DMV became not so lame when we combined it with a day in the city.

The first day I went for my Visa, I drove into the city with my Mom. She waited while I went in the consulate and after we had lunch in Chelsea and just hung out together! The second time I went back for the Visa, I took the bus into the city, enjoyed a day of sight seeing, and met a very dear friend for a dinner date at Cafeteria followed by some iced lattes and a lot of conversation. I felt so refreshed after seeing her. She is such a kind, loving, beautiful person both inside and out. I missed her!

Life has been so enjoyable. Almost a month has gone by now of me prancing around New Jersey and NYC. There haven't been too many dull moments - family visiting, friends visiting, meeting up with friends, shopping, a lot of exercising, and trying to make it to all my favorite restaurants.

Being home is surely a vacation. I love the walks with my Mom, the dinner dates with my parents, seeing my best friends, days at the beach, reading good books, driving my car with the windows down, and soaking in the sweet summer sun. There is something relaxing about being here (that something is that my Dad doesn't work in the summer, my Mom is retired, and I am currently retired, too!). It's nice to not have to rush anywhere. It's nice to have no where to go and to fly by the seat of your pants.

Of course, the longer I am here, the more my heart aches for the guy waiting for me back in France. And, although I have truly loved every minute here, I am anxious to see him. One more week here in NJ and I'll be back. The only thing I can do to pass the time is ENJOY EACH MOMENT!! That's exactly what I intend to do. On that note, I'm off to read a book and sit in the sun.

Seaside Park, NJ

dinner on the Toms River

the steps of Madison Square Garden

dinner on the Point Pleasant beach

the show we saw on Broadway

family and friends.

Sometimes life can get you down. Whether the down be a terrible boss, a heartless thief, or anyone in between, you're bound to encounter these people from time to time. There will be people in your life that just don't belong - people that will cause you heartache and pain. When those people come into your life, the best thing you can do is cling to the people that deserve to be there. Sometimes it takes a while to figure out who these people are, but that's what life is all about. It's full of unanswered questions, nerve-wrecking decisions, and spontaneous moments. And, sometimes friendships are like that, too.

In the past year or so, I've lost friends that I thought I'd have in my life forever, and I've gained back ones I'd thought I'd lost forever. And, of course, I've met new people along the way. It just goes to show you that you never know how things will turn out. Life is a game of chance. Sometimes that's exciting and fun, other times it's heart-breaking.

I think too often in my life I've tied myself down to people; and in retrospect, I gave so much more than I ever got back. Isn't it more important to have a few amazing people in your life rather than a bunch of people that don't really care about you? I want to surround myself with people that genuinely care about me.

It's insecure people that surround themselves with people that don't really care about them because these people don't think they deserve better. I don't want to be someone like that. I have too big of a heart for that.

I'm thinking so much about this because I had such a remarkable week. I spent time with people that I know care more about me than they dare to admit. These people that have seen me at my best and at my worst - but have never judged me. It is so wonderful to be around people that are wonderful, because sometimes I need to be reminded that I, too, am wonderful.

Family and friends. Friends and family. When all else is the world fails me, I know I won't be alone; and that is a good feeling. It gives me the courage to be who I want to be, to dream as big as I want, to take risks, and to live life to the fullest.

I am full. My heart is happy.

Whole wheat everything bagels are my favorite way to start my morning and that's exactly how I've been doing it since being back in NJ. Nothing beats that!

What else have I been doing? Well, mostly, spending time with my Momma! We've been doing everything together, and I absolutely love these moments. We shop until we drop, eat at our favorite restaurants, go for walks, play games, and watch trashy television. My dad is in Brazil and Columbia for the next week or so and we're taking advantage of the ladies time.

This week I have a lot to look forward to and I'm really happy for that. I want to make sure to take advantage of my time here. Tomorrow I'm going to have dinner with a dear friend. My sister's birthday is this Wednesday so we'll take her for a nice dinner date and have family over. My mom's brother is coming to visit from Seattle. My friends are coming to visit from Pennsylvania. We have a family party on Sunday at our state's capital. Monday I'll be in NYC.

I have phone calls to make and doctors to see, but mostly, I just want to enjoy the beauty that is my home. I want to take full advantage of the fact that we live by the beach. I want to wake up early and run on the boardwalk. I want to swim in the pool and the ocean. I want to ride bikes. I want to soak up the sunshine, read good books, and of course, do more shopping!

So forgive me if I continue to be MIA for a while longer, but I want to enjoy these moments I have here with my family - in the house I grew up in - and that means doing my best to keep off my computer (except to g-chat with my favorite European guy back across the pond).

home.

I arrived home Wednesday night after a very long day of traveling. My parents and my aunt picked me up at the airport in NYC. After, my sister met us at our favorite restaurant in town, a place where we always see people we know. I was greeted by an old friend who immediately said, "Hey, aren't you supposed to be in France?" Followed by, "We were just talking about you last weekend."

It's nice to be home and to see familiar faces. I love that I can call the people I want to call without even looking at the phone because they are numbers I have dialed so many times before. It's so much better than using Skype and talking through the computer. Don't get me wrong, I'm thankful for modern technology. I love that I can video chat with my family and friends; but it's nice to pick up the phone and do it the old-fashioned way.

I really do have the best home. We're an hour from NYC, 45 minutes from Atlantic City, an hour and 15 minutes from Philadelphia, but even better than all that - we're 5 minutes from the beach. There is something truly unique about growing up by the beach (oh, and truly wonderful!).

Plus, who wouldn't want to live somewhere where delicious bagels are plentiful!? I, of course, had my first whole wheat everything bagel yesterday morning. I got to sit with my mom and eat our bagels and strawberries and enjoy conversation over that (yes, weak) American coffee that takes me 30 minutes to finish sipping. 

My mom, sister, and I then went for a nice walk at the beach. The sun was so hot - reaching over 100 degrees (38 C). I put my feet in the Atlantic Ocean for the first time since September. We looked at the amazing beach front homes and gossiped about the crazy Facebook statuses people put up (among other things).

My mom took me to the Olive Garden for lunch! We love their all you can eat soup and salad. Yummy! Don't make fun of me. I know the soup comes in a plastic bag. I know it's not made fresh on premises. However, I do know that they work really hard to get their flavors right (because they have an expensive food lab at Penn State where they were constantly perfecting their tastes, textures, visual appearance, etc.). They now offer flatbread as an add-on and my mom and I had the caprese flatbread. It was a little too salty but still delicious. We ordered fancy lemonades, too.

We then engaged in a marathon day of shopping! I went to the dentist. We went out to dinner and had delicious Italian food. We came home, sat on the couch, and were asleep by 9pm! We had intended to watch a movie but last night delivered a crazy storm that showcased powerful thunder, loud cracks of lightning, and a power outage that left us movie-less.

It was such a wonderful day, my first one home.

i'm coming home

It's true. My 90 days as a tourist in Europe have come to an end. I feel like it flew by, but some days felt like they'd never end. I transitioned from a job where I worked a lot and commuted, too, to not working at all. I transitioned from talking to my friends during my commute to having a 6 (and 7) hour time difference so we've had to make "chat appointments." I transitioned from seeing my family all the time to obviously not seeing them at all (although it was a nice break from life here to visit my aunt and uncle in Italy).

Can I say that I am relieved to go home? Yes. I miss so many things about home. My heart aches for the comforts of home. I also can't wait to eat at my favorite restaurants (first stop: Office Lounge!!) and to see my best friends.

But does it mean I'm willing to give up on my life here? I don't think so. Everything here is new to me. Every route I run is new. Every person I meet is new. My future job is going to be something totally different than what I was doing in NY and NJ. There's something exciting (and scary) about all this newness. And, I know that no matter where I am, my friends are family will always be a part of me.

The bottom line is: I know that no matter where I am, I can find happiness in my life. And, that's exactly what I am after.

1 week in Italy.

eating on the Grand Canal in Venice - pictured with my Aunt

putting my feet in the Adriatic Sea for the first time in Lido

posing in Trieste

watching the Giro d'Italia

biking through Dardago - 90 degrees but snow on the mountain tops

a beautiful hot spring in Polcenigo

oh, just sunning between the grape vines!

shopping at the market in Aviano

and this was the "dressing room" :)

Checking in!

in my Aunt and Uncle's neighborhood

Venice

view from our lunch on the Grand Canal

my yummy pizza!

the beach at the island of Lido, where I put my feet in the Adriatic Sea

hiking in Dardago

The weekend is here! The world didn't end (although I never believed that in the first place). The weather is beautiful, and I suspect back on the East Coast of the states, too.

I have been enjoying myself thoroughly while in Italy. My Aunt and Uncle are wonderful tour guides and really make sure I don't miss a thing. We have traveled all around here. My uncle took me hiking yesterday and to some amazing look-out points. We went to Venice for a day. We drove to the top of the mountain, Piancavallo, which was both beautiful and frightening. We saw paragliders jumping off the mountain and flying through the air. I put my feet in the Adriatic Sea for the first time, and it was surprisingly very warm! We've visited old churches and ate authentic Italian. And, with them being stationed here, I've been able to go on base and enjoy some comforts of home, too! I've had Subway, Starbucks, and... a bagel!!

As I write to you now, I'm sitting here on their terrace which overlooks the vineyard. The sweet smell of flowers fills the air. The birds are flying around making their music. I hear the comforting sounds of lawn mowers (something I just don't hear living in a city). The breeze is cooling yet the sun is hot. I am drinking an American cup of coffee (I missed sitting with a cup of coffee for 30 minutes). I am totally at peace.

Today we are venturing to Trieste. It is right on the border of Slovenia. It is the meeting point for Western Europe and Central Europe. It is already almost 80 degrees and is supposed to be beautiful there, with beaches and castles. 

Off I go... more pictures to come!! Enjoy your weekend, too.

And, Happy Birthday to you, Mom!! You rock!