language barrier.

I can't even begin to explain the difficulties I have been facing while learning to speak French. Sometimes it is so frustrating that I just shut down (temper tantrum-esque style) and surrender to silence. It is hard enough - we have all heard horror stories and have watched enough movies - to meet and create bonds with your significant other's family but when there is an added language barrier (and very different culture), it is that much more difficult. I find myself many times sitting at a dinner table completely silent. For someone like myself that talks a lot and always has a lot to say, this is very frustrating. I either don't understand what is being said or I don't have enough vocabulary to communicate back what I want to say. It is similar to being a child and being put in the "time out corner" but I am in said corner until I can communicate.

I know that I need to do more on my behalf to try to practice my French (use my Uncle's advice!!!), but until I do learn more, it's very strange to meet people and to not be able to communicate well. His two brothers are very cute, always trying to learn English and to communicate with me. His one sister speaks quite a lot of English and always goes out of her way to make me feel included in conversation. His other sister I find mimics what I say or makes a joke about how I say something in French. It makes me feel very stupid. My guy reminds me that I'm not stupid - I just don't speak the language. However, somehow, I always go back to feeling like it's because I'm not smart enough.... why can't I understand!? I am certain that she is just trying to find humor in all of this and her joking is all in good fun, but it's hard for me to tell.

It's true that until I can really speak French - these people know nothing about me. I know of them what my guy tells me, but it is hard to try to create relationships with people when I can't even carry a tune in a conversation about my day - let alone a conversation about politics.