december.

Well, I am back to blogging after what has been a long absence. The truth is... I didn't think I had anything interesting for anyone to read. Then, I realized that it's not others I write for, it's for myself. I love looking back at old posts and seeing where I was and what I was feeling. Writing for me is therapeutic and maybe it's just what I need right now.

December. It's the holiday season and full of cheer. Although the lights in my new city are absolutely stunning and even mesmerizing, I'm far from home and somewhat lost. I know where I am but not where I am going. It's hard for me to be away from family and friends but even more so during this time. Everyone is busy with planning their gatherings and trimming their trees, and I am here with no holiday cheer. I could be starting traditions of my own... but how?

My birthday came and went and maybe now... newly 26... I'm acting childish to be upset (and selfish because people have it much, much worse than me). So, really, I'm embarrassed to say this (because I should be (and am, I promise!!) thankful for all I do have) but it was the first birthday where I didn't talk to my family and I didn't get to open a present. I called my family but no one answered. So far away and so easily forgotten?? Luckily, my best friend had sent me a card - and it was her one card that made me feel loved. It sat alone on the entertainment center. I know this sounds so pitiful but when I'm so far, it's when I even more so want to feel loved. 

So I'm back to the start. I'm back to having this itch to do something more. I want to paint and to add color to these dismal white walls in my apartment. These white walls... it's so boring. How can people actually enjoy white walls? I see the logic - clean, simple... blah. I desperately want to add color and life to this apartment, but it's not mine, it's not even ours, it's a rented apartment with rented furniture so the walls will remain white and the furniture will remain black. Clean and simple it is. I want to add pictures and emotion. Instead, I add throw blankets and bath mats. How exhilarating!!! I'm gasping for a breath of fresh air.

Maybe I'm the kind of person that doesn't like to stand still. I think it's true. I don't even like to walk - I prefer to run. If I have to go somewhere, I'm just going to run there... and perhaps it causes unusual stares when I'm in heels or dressed up, but walking is such a waste of time. And my apartment, I've been here for only seven months - and not even really because I spent six weeks on vacation, but already, I need change. This place has no character. The outdoor terrace was the selling point for me but that's not doing me much good. 3 straight weeks of rain. Then, snow. Sometimes hail. And, more cold rain. 

My vacation starts tomorrow evening. I have one week. Time to live.

Here's what I'm listening to now: 

Her voice is amazing.