Friday, September 30, 2011

it's what's on my mind.



i feel home when i see the faces that remember my own...
i feel home
and that's just what i feel
home to me is reality, and all i need is something real.

a Penn State sunset

a sunset boat ride on the Toms River

a sunset on the Toms River

two wonderful people on a night of celebrating

the same two people on a day of celebrating and laughing

a wonderful hike in Happy Valley

Seaside Park <3 the beach of countless happy days

hands down: my two favorite people.

Jojojojojo!! :) sitting outside Madison Square Garden

with my parents in Times Square drinking the drink I need NOW!

Jor and I watching Penn State kick butt in Illinois!

do I need a caption?

my little cousin (not so little, actually!) Grace

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

a beautiful life.

my life has been consumed by watching reruns of felicity on the internet, writing lesson plans, teaching english classes, making new friends, and wasting time in between all of that.

needless to say, my house has been a complete mess. for the first time in a long time (since college), i don't even mind. okay, well, i didn't mind until tonight when i realized, it's getting out of hand. but back to when i didn't mind... although i love nothing more (i'm not exaggerating when i say this) than clean sheets, i went a few extra days. although i love clean floors, i think it's been over a week since i mopped them. i love when everything is in its place and organized and when i can't see dust on the light switches. i love when my cords are tightly wrapped around the appliances not in use and when my makeup is neatly lined up in its drawer. i love when i have 5 clean dish towels for backup. i love when the laundry basket isn't more than half full.

lately, i haven't cared. i want to come home, turn the lights off, light my candles, eat dark chocolate, and relax in front of a show that fills me up with hope. it makes me smile and cry. it just makes me feel good. this may seem really strange, but sometimes we need to laugh and cry and be filled with hope - no matter what it is that brings us to these emotions. sometimes we need to see the light. sometimes we need to know that we're not alone - we're not the only ones scared, worried, filled with doubt, and dreaming.

it's like that quote... the famous one from john lennon... "life is what happens when you're busy making other plans." and, it's so true.

i spend so much time setting expectations and trying to meet deadlines and worrying about where my life is going and what my future has in store for me that i don't take the time to just be me. i need to stop thinking - not only about the future but about the past. actually, the past more so than the future. i need to let go. i spend so much time being angry about the past and worried about the future that i make the here and now really crappy.

i'm living in france! i live in a town that may be quieter than i am used to but it's colorful and romantic. it has history. why can't i just be happy with that? i am too busy complaining about the lack of starbucks to be happy with the delicious bakeries and the pedestrian-filled streets, and the great fortress that sits in the middle of the town. it really is incredible.

so who cares if my laundry basket is overflowing. i am living and feeling. i am so in love. i am so lucky in love. yes, he has hurt me. but i need to finally forgive and forget and move on. it seems silly but when i look at my guy (even when i am mad or pretending to be mad), i just want to hug him and get lost in his love. i know that i mean the world to him and he means the world to me.

from this moment, i am opening my eyes. i am seeing the world. i have a lot to do. i have a lot to see. i'm just getting started. and, my very best friend will be there with me.

oh, and my very best girl friend (!!!!!) asked me yesterday to be her maid of honor. so i'm just full of love. she, too, means the world to me.

i guess i really am lucky in love. sometimes in relationships going through hell isn't so bad if you come out of it a little stronger. and, i never was one for boring relationships.

tonight i've turned off felicity, turned on some beautiful music, lit my candles, and i will get this place together. and, when my guy comes home, i will tell him just how much he means to me.

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

wisdom

things happen to us, but it's our reactions that matter.

Friday, September 23, 2011

6 things.

There are 6 things on my mind right now.

The first thing is kind of funny. So this morning I quickly blow dried my hair. It was pretty much half dry already.  I was looking in the mirror and debating whether my short, wavy hair looked sexy or messy. I was diggin' it at the time so I thought I'd go with the look. I asked my guy what he thought, and he said, "It looks really good." Naturally, I was feeling beautiful. Usually he would be like, "It looks fine, babe" or something equally as uninterested or impartial.

I met him for lunch (meaning, to pick up our take-out that we would each eat individually as the day was crazy). He said to me, "What happened to your hair?" I was like, "OMG, what happened?" I thought maybe a bird pooped on my head or something. He said something along the lines of, "Why is it so messy?" I said, "This morning you said it looked really good." He said, "Yeah, but I thought you knew I was kidding." I guess what looked like sexy, beachy waves or borderline hot mess actually looked like a big, old hot mess. I was too tired, hungry, and busy to be concerned so I rocked the disheveled look all day without a care in the world. It doesn't bother me at all. Who really cares!! :)

The second thing on my mind is that Friday is my longest day of work. Most people are winding down and I am super, super busy. During the middle of the day, when my eyelids are drooping and I'm just so drained, I consider telling my boss it's too many hours and I can't do so many classes on Friday. Then, I get my second wind. When the day is over, I realize it wasn't that bad. I feel happy to have experienced so many wonderful conversations with people. I absolutely love when they don't look at the time and our class runs late because they enjoy being there so much. I said to one man late in the day, at a time when I was feeling really tired - "Okay. That's time. It went by so fast." And he said, "Yeah, too fast!" Maybe to him it was just a comment, but to me, it meant so much. I felt like he valued the time. I don't know. I know I always look way too much into things, but it felt so nice to hear.

The next thing on my mind is electric water heaters. Why don't we use them in the USA? All my life I have sat and waited for the teapot to whistle until now. This is seriously a revelation to me. I drank a lot of tea before, but now I drink WAY more. It takes 2 minutes to heat that water up. It's seriously incredible. I use it to get cous cous made in a flash. I use it to pre-boil my water for pasta - cutting the time of making pasta in half. Really, this baby has a million uses and I will never again live without one. I am drinking a steaming cup of green tea with mint as I write this and will continue to reheat and refill all night long.

The next thing I want to talk about it heat. When is the right time to put it on? My Dad always had this rule about November 1st. It's crazy, right!? I am a firm believer in wearing sweatpants and sweaters and wrapping yourself in a blanket (and of course, drinking hot tea) for as long as possible, but some nights, I am so tempted to turn the heat on and be all cozy and warm. However, I will suck it up.. for at least a few more weeks.

I did, however, put the heat on in the bathroom. I love that the heaters in the bathrooms double as towel warmers here. They are on the wall and have a bunch of rungs to hang your towels on. I love having a nice, hot towel. We hang our robes on there, too! To me, there is nothing worse than stepping out of your hot shower and being blasted by cold air. Now, the problem is, I want to sit on the toilet all night with my computer and my tea just to stay warm!!!

I saw on another blog that Felicity is now available on Netflix and have been watching every episode starting with season 1. I forgot about that show, but not about Kerry Russell's enviable hair. I am beginning to be a bit of a hermit now. Part of what gets me through a work day is knowing I can come home and watch Felicity all night. Last night, I even considered cancelling plans with my friend so I could watch all night. I realized that would be a big sign that I was a LOSER!!! But tonight, here I am, back at my computer and am so excited to watch Felicity until my eyes close.

My Mom sent me the cutest package recently. She sent shake 'n bake, candles, my favorite Vegan cookies, chocolate for my guy, and packs of my favorite pesto mix (as well as 2 beautiful additions to my wardrobe). Let me talk for a minute about these candles. AHHH! Fall isn't so incredible and romantic here as it is back home. I have already burned these candles down pretty far. The smell is incredible and reminds me of home. Mmm... it's so peaceful and wonderful.

Tonight, I can assure you I really won't be sitting on the toilet (well, maybe once or twice). However, I have already lit my fall candles, made my tea, and started getting Felicity ready for viewing. What a night this will be!! My guy will once again be working until forever, but who needs a man when you have Ben.... sighhhhhhh.

Thursday, September 22, 2011

R.I.P. bagels.

Oh yeah! I have some bad news. Remember those 45 whole wheat everything bagels I brought back to France with me... they are officially gone! What a tragedy!! We tried so hard to make them last, but the end was inevitable. We sat together on Tuesday morning and had breakfast at 7am. We very rarely have breakfast together! We each had a bagel - the last two.

R.I.P. bagels - we are forever grateful for the 2 months you sat patiently in the freezer waiting to be devoured.

Honestly, I always prepare the bagels when we eat them. I have a routine of over to toaster or just oven (but our gas bill was a bit outrageous for the summer months so I am trying to limit my use of the oven). I knew (and knew he didn't know) that there were only two bagels left. I secretly planned to eat them both and never mention it. However, the angel on my right shoulder told me that was cruel. Although, as I watched him eat that bagel, I contemplated whether I had made the right choice.

Feel free to send bagels :) Or just come visit, but don't show up without the whole wheat everything bagels.